I QUIT Elf on the Shelf!

Elf-on-the-shelf-quitI am not sure why we even started the Elf on the Shelf.  Wait, no, I remember it now.

It was because of all of you.

All of your cute Facebook pictures showing me how much fun you were having with your Elf. Your elves were up to no good, or they were sharing life’s lessons in the form of mini marshmallows. They slept in little tissue boxes, and went fishing in hot cocoa. It was freaking adorable and I wanted in.

All the stories your children were sharing about their special elves were pulling at my parental heartstrings. The elves even had their own names. They came with a book!

I am a sucker for toys that come with their own story books. A sucker.

My then 3-year-old came home from daycare to tell me her friend had an elf that came before Christmas. A MAGIC ELF.

Obviously, I had to get an elf for her.

Freddie the Elf, named after our newly deceased dog {it just felt right} flew on to our porch shortly after Thanksgiving last year. He didn’t come with fancy clothing, or snazzy signs. He wasn’t ready for shenanigans – he was just there to hang out and watch the kids.

For the first few days, it was cool. We’d hang him here and there. We even got creative with notes and placing him in odd places for fun.

Okay, truth? We were not that creative. We just did all the things with our elves you did and them posted on Facebook and Instagram.

Still, creative or not, it got to be kind of a pain.

The kids loved the whole thing though, but part of me kept thinking… “How am I gonna keep this up?” I mean, I’d love for my kids to believe in Santa for as long as possible, how long can I fool them with this Elf on a Shelf? It’s a stuffed toy? Wasn’t this just going to raise a bunch more questions?

How does the elf get in the house? Does he eat? Why can’t I see his hands? How does he get back and forth to the North Pole? If he can’t talk to me, how can he talk to Santa?

We stuck it out for the whole season, but this year? Meh.

elf-on-the-shelf-hidingFreddie showed up again after a much needed rest in a box of New Balance shoes. He spent the first night in the laundry room. Kids. Were. Thrilled.

The I made a big mistake. I came home late. Everyone else was asleep, so I moved Freddie into our daughter’s room.

This was not smart.

She woke up the next morning bawling….

FREDDIE IS IN MY ROOM!!!

Um, okay. Admittedly, the thing is kind of creepy looking…

DADDY SAID ELVES CAN’T GO IN OUR BEDROOMS!

Um, what now? Side eye to the husband…

HE IS SCARING ME AND I WANT HIM TO LEAVE MY ROOM!

Um, sure, yes.

At this point, I am ready to just move the dam elf, but no, I wait until she is downstairs and then casually mention I think he moved.

She is still not satisfied. All day, she needs us to walk with her up the stairs, in the bathroom. She’s scared Freddie the Elf is going to come in her room.

And then she refused to go to sleep. She was scared.

This was so not the “holiday tradition” I was envisioning when I bought this Elf on the Shelf. Also? She really believed this thing was real?

I told her, “Honey, I think Freddie should go back to the North Pole and watch you from there, is that ok?”

“YES SEND HIM BACK TO THE NORTH POLE.”

One note later, and Freddie the Elf was back in his shoe box.

note

And THAT is how I quit Elf on the Shelf.

Comments

  1. AnnaZed says

    Ha! this is hilariously written and I tell ya’; the very first thing I thought when I encountered the ‘Elf on Shelf’ was “how creepy”.

  2. says

    I work at target in electronics, and conveniently we have the Elf on the Shelf box right next to my station. I am astounded at how intensely parents NEED the elf. When I explain the concept of a little elf doll spying on their children I love the parents who are like “creepy”…

  3. says

    I love this Erica. Our Elf on the Shelf does nothing but sit in OUR bedroom. My daughter seems to think she is watching him as well, so she periodically gives him time outs. I think she just doesn’t respect his authority:)
    Estelle

  4. shelly says

    The problem is that you used by the elf as punishment.You even threatened that he’d come back?! Wow. Very manipulative. No wonder your child is scared.

    Our elves (two) are whimsical. They don’t “watch us”. They just roam around being silly or giving “early” treats! They are just hapoy holiday “magic” without the threat and all the fun.

  5. says

    I never used the Elf as punishment… but that’s a good idea! LOL- I thought the whole point was the Elf was supposed to watch the kids and fly back to the North Pole to report on what they saw to Santa? Maybe I missed the whole point.

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