When our kids are so little, we focus on the “firsts.”
The first time they smile. The first time they roll over. Their first steps, and the first time they say “mama” and “dada.”
We went through all of the “firsts” with great excitement. I tried my hardest to document all the major “firsts” in a baby book or with a photo.
What I didn’t realize at the time is that while the “firsts” are important, and fun and exciting, the “lasts” are more emotional. The last mark the end of an era, the passage of time. The “lasts” may tell us we’re no longer needed. The “lasts” remind us parents that time goes by so fast, and that even the most difficult phases end.
And we forget to document the “lasts.”
I want those “lasts” back for just a minute because, well, this baby is my last. He’s three now, and believe me, we’ve gone through tons of the terrible twos and now are in the throes of the “terrible, God-awful, horrible terrible threes,” but I still want some moments back.
I want to hear “Mommy, hold you?” one last time. It’s what he used to say when he wanted me to pick him up. Why didn’t I record that little voice on my phone when I had the chance?
I want to enjoy one last marathon breastfeeding session before bedtime.
I want him to fall asleep on my shoulder.
Recently, he’s been asking for a “big boy” bed. We converted his crib into a toddler bed about a year ago, but he was quickly outgrowing that.
Plus, he kept asking me to snuggle with him at night. It’s something I do with his sister because, well, there’s room on her bed!
“Can you thnuggle with me like you do with my thister?” he would ask.
Um, yes. A thousand times yes, I will thnuggle with you before bed.
So a few days ago, I obliged and took down the crib/converted toddler bed… forever. There would be no more baby furniture in his room. This was it. No more babies for me to lie down in a crib. No more toddler beds for me to kneel beside for a bedtime story.
So I took a picture. One last photo of my baby sleeping soundly on the mattress he’d been sleeping on since he was an infant. The last.